Apologies, Appreciations, Aspirations

I suppose the proper way to start this would be by quoting Mignon McLaughlin and saying, "True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive."

I'm truly sorry to my faithful readers who care about my life, because it's been months since I've updated any of you. I can't honestly say how much I appreciate and hope you are still faithful while I have not been faithful to you. I hope you will pick back up in my life with me and let me take you on my journey again.

I'm watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmare's while my rice is cooking. Tonight's dinner is going to be sticky rice with lumpia. I'm really excited about this because lumpia is a dish originally from Indonesia and the Philippines. It's a chinese savory pastry that is filled with various vegetables and morsels of meet, these lumpia filled with turkey. The main reason I'm so excited with these rolls is I helped with the making. The prep and the execution are very simple.

I've just finished eating the rice and lumpia; magnificent. The rolls were dark gold and when i bit into them the flaky crunchy rap melted in my mouth, then inside of the roll was hot and juicy the flavor was superb. I'm really excited to have friends that have family recipes and techniques from other countries.

A recent accomplishment that I'm very proud of is my on campus organization's effort to answer First Lady Obama's call to get chefs into schools. It's a very exciting day when students, chefs, and schools can partner together in order to make a healthier and more fun lunch period for students! My role in this is even more exciting. I get to work one on one with school faculty in order to learn about the school, it's needs, and it's students. The next part of the program we are conducting is a regular occurrence of  demonstrations for the students and staff of the school. The first demo 150 people showed up from students to the Director of the private school system. The students were amazing, their energy was very high and their questions were awesome! The persuasion to get the group of high school freshman to answer questions was throwing bread rolls to them from the stage. They loved it. The final role in this program is the partnership of the Culinary Department Dean, our Department Chairman, another fellow student, and myself with the high school's executive staff and wellness committee; this partnership has a common goal. We are designing a menu and a new kitchen for the school!

Lots to write about, I can say that personally life is changing a lot, as I hope your's is too! Recently my friendships are getting stronger, while others are growing weaker. Passions are becoming clearer while others are growing becoming foggier. Purpose is showing itself while reason is hiding from me.

Friends and I made 2 kinds of fondue the other night, it was so much fun to be able to go to the store and pick out cheeses, salamis, vegetables, fruits, and breads with friends. We journeyed off the beaten path a bit and into the toy store, that brought many attempts to be stupid into the night. Walking around the cheese and meat counter at Dean & Deluca talking with Corey behind the counter while he, being bored, allowed us to taste every type of salami we desired. We then made our way to another market and walked through the produce section. As we looked at the seasonal vegetables and fruits we picked up and felt the softness of the mangoes, then firmness of the tomatoes, and smelled the ripeness of the prickly pairs. We then moved to the bakery and smelled the breads heard the crunch and saw the outsides of the loaves break apart beautifully. At the end of our journey we ended up back in the kitchen where friends get to work together.

We made a game plan, and executed it. The game plan was something like we'll sip some white wine and decide who cuts what as Danny cuts the cheese. For our cheese fondue we didn't have a box grater so i sliced the blocks of cheese into paper thin pieces, that was challenging without a sharp knife on hand, but i was victorious over the aged dairy. As each cut their respectable items and it was all displayed on our trays we laughed and talked about the past and the future. Finally we had our fondue made and we put it into the fondue pot, the room smelled of white wine, garlic, and gruyere. We didn't let that hinder our plan, we continued on. Heating cream and chocolate in the sauce pan we decided we needed more chocolate to add to the flavor, so we opened and stirred in Hershey's Kisses.
Then to finish the night we played an incredibly long game of "UNO" and enjoyed the fruits of our labor! It was grand! We laughed, we talked, we hatted on each other when they made us draw 12 cards at one time.

I have this recent feeling, an inkling, or a guttural hinting of something; I can't tell what it is, but I know that while passions are becoming foggier I will somehow find my way through this. I have no idea what this is, but it's kind of like a metal down period. I want to be alone most of the time and when I am I feel like I should be with people. I love myself enough to love spending time alone, but i don't why recently I just feel anti-social, like because I live alone and drive alone, and eat alone that someone here needs me in their life, but I can't find who it is. Or, maybe, it could be that I need someone in my life. I think I should reclaim a goal, that goal is to meet at least one new person every day! I believe I shall. I think that this is enough it's 1 in the morning, so I'm going to go to sleep now.

Me at this point

“I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.” Harold Kushner

How true that is. I can relate. I've had some disappointments in the past months. After the first one, i was kinda hurt then i moved on and got over it, just as I was fine again, another came about, disappointments that left me thinking I wasn't good enough. Even though I knew I was good enough for something, I was doubting for what. I thought that I wasn't the person I was supposed to be and I wasn't going to be able to make anything happen. Well, was I wrong.

When I read a book, if I don't know anything about it, I read the synopsis first. Doing this gives me a little more information about my subject. I read, I exam, and I tear apart looking for a little more knowledge (even if it's just a new word). 

My question. Why doesn't life have a synopsis on the jacket of the nice hardback binding? When we are born we are all cute and fresh, just like a book after being printed. Books have a nice jacket, this jacket is to protect the very vital insides, the stuff that makes this book tic. Without these vital organs there would be no book. Babies have skin and bones to protect their vital organs. Oh the similarities. The difference is this book is yours to start and finish the story, it's been written and when you finish reading it you finish reading it. This baby, this life isn't yours to read, you have to live it. 

Why isn't their a nice little synopsis and a manual that says, "On this day a baby is born, he will begin life happiness leads to twists and turns throughout his life, as he ages he will face many trials, but rest assured reader the main character will prevail and after these trials the decisions made will be for a reason, and for the most part, the right ones. The character in this journey will live his dreams, live happily be what he wants to be, and finally die happily." 

Wouldn't that be nice, even if it said something like, "A baby born on a tragic night, causing it's family to risk everything, growing up without much, being depressed, he tries many things to harm himself. After dropping out of high school, living on the street for many years bumming from the people around him he dies, alone sad and in pain."

As bad as that is, at least the reader (person living the life in this case) knows what will happen. They know no matter what there is going to be a beginning, middle, and end. In this order and something is going to happen. No doubts as why things happen because they don't matter, what matters is that it does and while that very un-informational synopsis about the life of a boy is vague, the boy knows in one of two cases the outcome. So those small disappointments mean nothing. 

Well, wouldn't that be nice? Too bad it's not true. So we deal with things as we go with them. We read without a synopsis. If I would have had a synopsis for my life I would have known that those disappointments meant nothing to me. They happened for a reason. Now, I know that; then, I didn't. Now, I know the reason, just to say, I'm glad I was disappointed on both counts. 

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Up to this point I've been vague about these disappointments. So, for those of you who don't know what they were (like two people do) I'll tell you. Both disappointments were something I really wanted with all of me, at the times. They were both summer jobs working for the university, these jobs would mean that I would be living in Charlotte, working for JWU. I really love Charlotte and think that this is a place I see myself for a few years. Well obviously I didn't get either of these jobs. Why am I glad I was disappointed? Well, I now know that the plan wasn't for me to live and work in Charlotte, but somewhere better, making more money, and doing work that applies to my career. 

I've recently spoken with the Executive Chef at Westin Resort at Hilton Head. After speaking with said chef I found out I will be living/working at Westin in Hilton Head SC. The chef will be calling me back sometime this week to finalize some details then hopefully I'll be set for a summer job and my internship. 

Disappointments sometimes lead to happiness. One thing I know for sure is that the saying when one door closes another opens is completely true!!!!

I leave you for now with a blessing. May your hunger for food be satisfied with wholesomeness, and your hunger for life, love, and happiness satisfied with knowledge and enlightenment.